Welll Helloooooo! Any idea what day it is? Lol! Hoping you are all doing well and staying safe, no matter the day!

I honestly thought it was just a couple of days ago I wrote a blog, but its been 7 days. It would seem the days have melted together. Again, I have been locked in a knitted blanket of pain. I just wish this would stop. Its messing up my quality of life.

To be clear, I do not feel a sense of overwhelming whoa and sadness with this, I am upset that the plan I had for the path of diagnosis is not going the way I planned. That must sound kinda crazy, but…… this is not how I EVER expected this to go.

There is such little information about the TRUE pieces of this illness in the world; even when i started researching, I had to go down a rabbit hole of information just to find out what was possible, and then, another rabbit hole to find out if what I was experiencing was even part of this disease. It is so upsetting to find that the amount of readily available information is scarce. More on that later. I’d like this to be a lighter and happier blog. I’m feeling kinda good so far today so I’m riding that wave on a long-board hoping it won’t crest too soon. Kowabunga!

Next………

So, you know when you are packing boxes and you put down the marker you are using to label the boxes cause you feel you can put just one more thing in there; so you go back to the kitchen, grab that one thing, come back to the box and BOOM, the marker is gone? Yeahhhhhhh.

And then, the cello wrap spool you are using to wrap around the dresser in order to keep the drawers closed? After you take such good care going round and round, ensuring each drawer is captured, tightly wrapped and so it won’t move or slide out, then carefully cut the roll, put the roll down, turn to push the dresser back against the wall and BOOM the roll of wrap disappears? Yup! Its like wrapping Christmas presents and constantly loosing the scissors and tape. To put the Christmas analogy ( an also the situations I mentioned) into perspective, that is something that happens once a year, try having that happen everyday, with everything.

Every time I find something I’ve lost , I start singing the 95 south song , “Whoot there it is, Whoot there it is”, and do a little dance.

My days have been exactly that, hahahahaha! I am making coffee and just plain forgetting to put the coffee cup in the holder. Its been quite a week. I can only laugh, clean up the coffee or move on to another packing task, no biggie.

Having Dementia means there are many times in a day that you just move to the next thing. Whether it’s that, in the moment, you honestly just can’t recall what your intention was, or , in the moment the pieces just don’t fit together and its just best to keep moving forward, to the next thing, safely.

In other scenarios, I could have something sitting on my counter for days, no idea why its there and no real care that its there for that matter; then one day…… “oh! I should put that in the bathroom.” I think that is part of my executive function and perhaps in combination with sensory perception. Alzheimer’s affects perception because the disease slowly destroys the parts of the brain that are responsible for converting sensory input into meaningful information. Technically, the eyes do not see; the ears do not hear. Executive function is impairment in part, like goal-directed behavior, intention does not always mean completion.

It has taken me a while to notice those types of things, mainly because I just didn’t notice those type of thing ( does that make any sense?)

Working with food for such a long career in my life, you develop rhythm of exactly how you go from A to B, start to finish, its in your head before you start. That is how a good chef becomes great. Beyond the creative aspect, you need to make sure everything remains rhythmic, from the placement of ingredients in your station, your tools, to the cleanliness from start to finish. Its a pattern you develop, a skill. Consistency, accuracy, timing, safety cleanliness and endurance. If you take all those things I have been so used to doing and apply them into my life as it is now, things have certainly changed.

The struggle is real.

At this point, the “struggle” is manageable. Things are happening here and there, nothing too consistent….. but it’s there. I can laugh at the funny things I do, and I am hopeful that I will be able to do so for many more years. I truly believe that the interaction and connectivity I will have once I move will help in slowing the process of those things I notice now, or at least keep it the same for some time to come.

I know that at first it will be such a change, perhaps even too busy for me, but my daughter and son in law have ensured me a place of my own, with quiet refuge and freedom to stay well and whole.

I still thoroughly enjoy cooking, but I keep the bigger meals allocated to my daughters kitchen. I am looking forward to digging deep into my creative mind once we are all together. I curbed all of my cooking early in my diagnosis, I thought it was best ( I left a pot of water on the stove and let it burn dry, it scared me and I stopped all things cooking that I did not have to stay at the stove to cook from A to B when I was at home and alone.) It was an intentional conscious decision. Safety.

Consistency, well, that may be a bit harder to achieve in the first few days, but I certainly have an innate knowledge of the fact that I must take care of myself. Although it will be hard to pull myself away from the “mayhem” of the coming days, I know that I must put myself first, remain consistent in the way I treat myself well, and that includes quiet time and regeneration.

Timing is another consideration. Living alone for so many years meant a hands free approach to life ( loved it); now knowing my crazy schedule of sleep ( I get up way earlier than my family, I’ll have to tip toe and not wake up anyone lol. ) and other such things related to my Dementia, I think timing is going to come into play in the same way I am used to, hands free. Because of what my days have warped into in the last 6 months, my timing will consist of only what it will be.

Accuracy, well, I’m not concerned, LoL. My older grandkiddies will help with that, they are so loving. Cleanliness, I’m still keeping things neat, (after-all I’ve reshuffled my boxes 28 times to look spectacular! LoL) I still love doing dishes and keeping the bathroom clean, I’ll do better on making my bed, and I love a clean kitchen, but who knows, things could change, for the better or perhaps not, just gonna ride the wave. And….. there is always that chance that I just don’t see the things I may leave around. Ill hopefully be more conscious of those things, but honestly, I won’t mind having a gentle reminder.

On endurance…………I’m still here, baby!

I hope your day is full of happiness.

Stay Well My Friends. xo Jan xo

Enjoy this jazzy break! https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=CpB7-8SGlJ0&list=RDCLAK5uy_kL57PLcOmExjhzqGfGhvA82ZWe4fPH2c4

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