In the end, only some things matter. How much you loved, how graceful you lived and how finely you let go of the things that don’t matter. These things are important.

As we struggle to conquer our ever-changing minds and habits, our focus can often move in a direction of self sabotage.  When focusing on what can no longer be done in the ” usual” way, we take away from the amazing accomplishments we make every day.  Staying focused on what is, instead of what was, is vital.

It’s the small habits, how you chat with yourself, who has access to you and who you share your energy with; how you spend your mornings, what music you listen to, the books you read and what you eat, that is what allows you to stay whole.  Making good choices to remain healthy both in body and mind will free you to love yourself and your accomplishments, and as well, adjust with greater ease to the ongoing changes.

Today I declared it ” National Stay in Bed, Read , Sleep & Do Whatever Day” .  I hope it catches on lol. It seems legit and should be in the lineup of holidays.  Tell others.  It can become a thing.

In the theme of continued inspiration, learn to be ok with people not knowing your side of the story, you have absolutely nothing to prove to anyone.  I know so many of us struggle with friends and family ( even doctor’s) not understanding or believing our diagnosis. ” you are so capable”, “you are too  young to have this” ” you don’t look like you have dementia”……..arrrgh!  I’m 54, I look like I did 10 years ago. I take care of myself, I eat well, I paint and revamp all sorts of furniture to resell, I photograph, I do all the “things” . But my life is complexed in ways not even my family sees.

I get frustrated at the new ways I have to accomplish even simple tasks.  The “knowing” of changes can make my days stop in its tracks; I just can’t move forward, for hours sometimes. I can see where the task path should go, but the path remains broken often for days. My house is a mess right now. No one sees me like this, I’m not ready to show it. Thus, my family thinking I am so capable, that is a horrible mask I wear.

Don’t get me wrong, I am in most areas, but there are things ………  Huge things I find unbearable.  I can’t always talk about them, if ever.

There is a big change coming in my life in the next few months, I am terrified.  I am trying to find ways to cope early so I won’t be overwhelmed. My efforts to do this are not  working the way I had hoped.  Self preservation of mind and body will be key for me. Coping with big  change while dealing with day to day change can be debilitating, I am doing my best to free myself from the angst. It’s hard.  I’ll work it out, I’m certain, but in the mean time…….

I try to keep reminding myself that everything that weighs me down is not mine to carry.  I hope that means something to each of you, letting go of those things might just clear up all the junk mail I have in my head, perhaps for you too.

I have always been a happy person, though circumstance has often zapped the happiness right out of me and I go into fight or flight, self saving mode.  I have fought, I have walked away, whichever gave me the most strength, at that time,  I chose what was best, not easiest.

I choose to be healthy, relaxed and living well. I’m doing my best, just as I know all of you are doing your best.

There are many people in my on line family, I read their blogs and I read their posts.  My heart stays steeled with each written word. We are connected, even though never having met. It’s a happy feeling. Faith.

All over the world, people connect with similar stories and life events, tragedy and overcoming odds.  It’s magical.  Real people with real lives just trying to get through, change lives and just make things better.  We are not the news, we are real humans baring our souls with real life things. No matter the subject, no matter the reason, we all need to support the lives of those we love. Encouragement.

I derive inspiration from each of the human stories I read.  You keep me going. Xo

When I was first diagnosed, I limited my life. I limited it to one year of living.

I approached my family and told them that over the course of the next year I was going to accomplish many things I had put off. Then, I would take my own life.  I expressed that I will not live not knowing I am alive.  I refuse to live not knowing I am living, and choose not to be a burden, financially, emotionally or in any other way to my family.

The latter, I am still on board with. BUT. I will remain living longer than that year .

I have found ways to ease my life. To grow and remain relevant to myself.  I encourage myself through laughter and happiness.  I am choosing what is best.  Focusing on life as I know it not what it once was……. for even if you don’t live with this disease, life changes in leaps and bounds. It’s just life. Equal to.

I have lost many connections during the course of these choices, I’m ok with that.  As I said above, it’s ok to be ok with people not knowing ( or understanding) my side of the story.  In the big picture, perhaps I kept you (them) in my heart for too many years hoping for all the right things, that, sadly,  turned out to be the wrong things. I wish you all well.

……I just read back on this entry, some of it seems so dark and sad.  That was not my intention.  I hope you are able to read between the lines and see inspired messages. 

I’m gonna attempt tidying up my house, but after a nap of course.  I’ll get it done!

” By the power of Greyskull!”   Hahahah!  I’ll just yell that to get me motivated.  

So I’m gonna keep going, and I hope you will to. We didn’t come this far to stop now. Peace.

Here is a good song.

Xo

Stay well my friends ❤️ , Jan