I hope ALL of you reading this, your family, friends and neighbors are staying well. Hoping you are all self isolating, staying safe and stay well.

Just a note: I have attempted writing an entry at least once every day for the last 15 days. Everyday I have lost my train of thought OR rather, my interest in the subject I’ve wanted to write about scattered specifically due to volume of change happening in our world and communities AND I’ve been lost in time and space awaiting my own personal healing from the nerve pain I’ve been dealing with. Today however, I’ll try to just keep writing. I’ve been on a swing of short focus, but its coming together.

The world is currently united in healing. ( that’s my perspective) In the recent ( say 100 yrs for example), this has never been the case. It is my hope that in some way, we, all of us, come together – unite – understand that the past divisions of this world can no longer stand in the way of healing.

A shared knowledge towards healing can hopefully pass from country to country, region to region. In my humble opinion, we can possibly heal more than our bodies.

Those whom are most susceptible to this pandemic, such as myself and the numerous others living with compromising illness’, often live in lives of self isolation; the reason are numerous. Care for each person varies.

With Dementia in all forms, our brain is under attach everyday. Due to the fact that the brain remains the “command center” for the entire body, it must be taken into immediate consideration that the immune system is in grave distress. Compromised Immune System, this is us.

Life as we know it has changed, for all of us. Stay safe and in a sense , be selfish. Be absolutely selfish in the protection you now maintain for your individual health and well being.. Be selfish until you can safely choose not to be. We all have so much living to do.

Next…….

I have 6 pairs of scissors. SIX.

I realized earlier today I’ve been packing for over a month. Dementia at its finest ! hahahahah!

I’m still not done. But honestly it’s been a very happy time for me. I have been sleeping very well, my pain is gone, and I am just puttering through packing.

I move things around, regrouping them and sorting; but mostly, I am throwing things out.

Its been wonderful to see old memories, to see things I thought I would keep you know, for future use, but honestly, I’ll never use them, neither will my daughter or son-in-law.

I accomplish what I want in a day; in the big picture, I accomplish alot for a person with hindered executive functionality.

I just find it weird that I have 6 pairs of scissors, I never knew I had so many pairs.

Segue…….

I am now on season 3 of Breaking Bad. I binge watched it over 2 days ( on my computer, on Netflix) L.O.L. I’ve never watched it before. I’ve also never watched Game of Thrones. I think I’m just watching it cause, well, I packed all my creative stuff and books and I was hoping it would be good. I find it mediocre at best. I’m pretty sure my dementia mind has schmooshed it all together into a jumble of spotted images. I am still not clear on the “greatness” of the show.

Every episode is the two main characters getting mad at each other, seeking revenge on each other, then making Meth. Why am I watching this? Arrrrgh! My dementia mind is obviously wavering…………..or I’m bored after my packing and sorting adventures.

I stopped watching television over 17 years ago. ( 2002) I couldn’t stand the way TV was going. Surreal and unrealistic story lines and “fantasy” worlds removing the essence of real life, news reels of nothing but horrific events…… things had become so ugly. That is how I felt, so I gave it up. It was just one thing, one silly thing, but it was a catalyst. So weird.

During that time though, I was going through many changes. I needed to focus on my life and TV was a distraction from that. I endured harsh realities of the state of my life and I needed to change that, even if changing it was a long and brutal road.

I was married briefly at the time. I was only married once, I was 32 years old when I made that choice; I’m still not even sure why I got married. My daughter and I had a great life, my career was in good stride. No idea why I went left instead of right. My stepdad even whispered in my ear as he was walking me down the isle, “Janet, my car is parked just outside, at the side of the building……we can just turn around and get in it” ….. I should have listened to that wonderful, wonderful man, I miss you John. While I was married, I found out I had cancer, and in turn, found out the man I was married to was an abuser. Of course there were red flags, but I handled it through my treatment and recovery. I never ignored the habits of that abuser, I monitored them. Then one day I just said ” I’m leaving on Saturday, you can either stay and pack the truck with me or you can leave for the day. Either way, I’m leaving.”

We had gotten married in April of 1996, I left with my daughter in 2002. My daughter and I had talked about those years yesterday……. as we sat looking at our families new home, from her car. Its almost done.

To this day, I still don’t own a TV. Even the one I bought 10 years ago just sat in my livingroom, yearning to be turned on….it went to a good family.

I’ve never looked back in my life, but I have reminisced both the good and the bad. I’ve had WAY more good times than bad, more years of happiness than turmoil. I’ve been happy.

The “set-backs” , hell……. I got through them. They are nothing more than a memory.

For me, the “memories” of those days being married will fade, as will most things. I spoke with my daughter about those years yesterday to hopefully let the memories fade with the words, to say the words out loud just to kill them.

It may have helped, I hope it did.

So tonight, since I’ve finally finished a blurb for my blog, I’ve sorted and packed and trashed, I decided I’ll probably never watch the next episode, But you won’t believe this! I just now realized something……..

Remember I wrote about how long it took me to hang my curtains? Well, I took down the last set today and washed them. NOW I have to follow through and hang something in place of them……..I washed them at 10 am this morning, its now almost 8 pm…… the saga returns.

As always, something to get you moving! Happy dancing! https://youtu.be/de4bBIBrabw

Stay well my friends! Xo Jan xo